my mouth tastes like poor choices
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
