is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
