Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
