SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
