Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
