He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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