I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
