they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
