i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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