The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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