Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
