i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and she was petting her beer can
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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