i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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