Having a random hookup so left but love u
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
