You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have demons in me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize