At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
