fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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