dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
