Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
