the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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