Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
