She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize