I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
