I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
