I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
