Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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