guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
