Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
