a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize