that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
