the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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