just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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