Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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