summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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