I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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