I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
