I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
