Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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