What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
