today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
