Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
