You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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