Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
