Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
