is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
