the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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