Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
