She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
