Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
