I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
