We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
