She said her name was "party"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
