I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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