No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
