...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
