Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
