no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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