we have pet lesbian snakes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
