somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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