I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
