this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
