Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
