we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
