I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
