She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
