omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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