he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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