Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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