Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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