He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
