Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
