She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
