Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
