Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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